BREAKING NEWS: UKIP's new leader named as KFC Colonel.
Other contenders for the role, which included Ronald McDonald, the zombie corpse of Enoch Powell, and the guy from the Go Compare commercials, are all said to be "not too bothered".
Releasing a statement, the Colonel said:
"I very much look forward to leading a party that's about as relevant as scurvy."
"Clearly there's no point in us even existing, as the Tories basically stole every one of our policies. WE made xenophobia cool again, but they get all the credit. It's not fair. So I'm now arguing for the UK to gain its independence of Planet Earth."
"I'd also like to mention, my new limited edition Tennessee Jack Burger is available until October 8th."
